Expat Life and Mental Health: When Home Is in Two Places
Sometimes it's a smell, a song, or the light at a certain hour of the evening. Suddenly you're back home, and the distance feels very real.
Maybe you watched a family birthday on a screen, half a world away. Maybe you've noticed you dream in two languages now, and you're not sure which one feels more like you.
Whether you call yourself an expat, an immigrant, or simply someone who moved, these feelings are more common than most people say out loud.
The quiet emotional side of living abroad
Moving to a new country is often described as an adventure, and it can be. But it also involves real loss: of daily closeness with family, of easy friendships, of a culture where you didn't have to explain yourself. That loss can show up years after the move, not just in the first few months.
Feelings you might recognize
A loneliness that remains even when you're surrounded by people
Feeling slightly "in-between," not fully at home here or there anymore
Guilt about living far from aging parents, or about missing important moments
Telling family back home that everything is fine, so they won't worry
Feeling like a slightly different person in English than in your first language
Tiredness from always translating, not just words, but humor, customs and expectations
Why it can be hard to talk about
Many people who move abroad are capable and independent. That's often what made the move possible. So it can feel strange to struggle, especially when the move was your choice. You may think you have no right to complain, or that others have it harder.
But grief and gratitude can live side by side. You can love your life here and still miss what you left behind.
How therapy helps
In psychodynamic therapy, we make room for the whole story: where you come from, what you hoped for when you moved, and what it has cost you. We explore how your sense of self has shifted between cultures and languages, and what you need to feel more whole.
I also use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which helps you build a life here around what matters to you, while still honoring where you come from.
Language matters too. Some feelings are easier to reach in the language you grew up with. You can read more in Why Therapy in Your Second Language Feels Different. If French is your first language, I also offer therapy in French.
A personal note
I grew up in Paris, in a French and Tunisian family, and today I live and work in California. Life between countries and cultures is something I understand from the inside.
If any of this feels familiar, you don't have to sort it out alone.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to still feel homesick years after moving abroad? Yes. The sense of loss that comes with moving can resurface years later, often around holidays, family milestones, or big life changes.
What is the hardest part of expat life emotionally? For many people, it's loneliness and being far from family. Others describe feeling in-between cultures, or guilt about living far from aging parents.
Can therapy help with living between two cultures? Yes. Therapy offers space to explore how moving has shaped your identity and relationships, and to grieve what was left behind while building a life you value here.
Is there a French-speaking therapist in California? Yes. Dr. Emily Essid is a licensed psychologist who offers online therapy in French and English to adults living in California.
Is online therapy available for expats in California? Yes. Dr. Essid offers online therapy by secure video for adults living anywhere in California.
