Therapy for anxious attachment and repeating relationship patterns
You check your phone more than you want to. When someone takes a while to reply, you reread what you sent looking for what went wrong. You give more than you get and tell yourself it's fine. And somewhere underneath, you're waiting for the moment they decide you're too much.
It isn't only romantic. It shows up with friends, with family, at work, anywhere closeness matters to you. You've probably noticed it's a pattern. Different people, same ending.
There's a clinical name for this, anxious attachment, though the name matters less than whether the description above sounds like your life.
What this tends to look like
Patterns like this aren't flaws. They're what you learned when closeness was uncertain.
If love came and went depending on someone's mood, or you were the one holding a family together, or affection arrived with conditions attached — then watching carefully, giving more, and staying alert to the first sign of withdrawal were sensible responses. They worked. They kept you connected.
They're just expensive now, in relationships where they're no longer needed.
What this tends to look like
Reading into tone, timing, word choice, looking for signs something has shifted
Giving far more than you receive, then feeling resentful and guilty about the resentment
Needing reassurance and hating that you need it
Going quiet or going over-the-top when something's wrong, rather than saying it plainly
Staying longer than you should, because leaving feels worse than the problem
Feeling unseen in relationships where you're the one doing the seeing
Sessions are less structured than you may be used to. I don't come in with an agenda for the hour or send you home with worksheets. We follow what's actually present, what you came in carrying, what comes up between us, what you find yourself avoiding.
That last part matters more than it sounds. The patterns that run your relationships tend to show up in this one too. When they do, we can look at them as they're happening rather than reconstructing them afterward. That's usually where something shifts.
This isn't a protocol with a set number of sessions. It's depth work, and it takes the time it takes.
What the work actually involves
Adults who've been in therapy before and found it useful, but not changing
People who understand their patterns and still can't stop repeating them
Anyone ready to look at hard things rather than manage them more efficiently
Adults anywhere in California, working online
Who this is for
What it costs and whether insurance covers it
I'm in-network with Medicare Part B, TRICARE, and Aetna. For most PPO plans I bill out-of-network and can submit claims on your behalf. Many plans reimburse a substantial portion once the deductible is met. Find out more in my fees section.