Infertility often means living in between. Between appointments and results. Between hope and disappointment. Between wanting to protect yourself and wanting to stay open to what might happen.
That in-between place can be exhausting. You may be grieving something you haven't lost for certain, while still hoping for it at the same time. It's hard to explain to others, and sometimes hard to explain even to yourself.
Why limbo feels so hard
• There's hope, but no control.
• Your mind keeps trying to predict what will happen.
• There's nothing to do, no clear timeline, and no resolution yet.
• You may feel stuck, numb, or suddenly overwhelmed without warning.
None of this means you're overthinking. Your mind is trying to brace for what might come.
Gentle ways to stay steady
• Just get through today. When your mind jumps to next month or "forever," bring it back to one day: I only have to get through today.
• Name the feeling, not the outcome. Instead of "What if it fails?", try "I feel scared because I don't know what will happen." It's a small shift, but it can keep your mind from racing ahead.
• Give yourself something steady. A walk each morning, tea at the same time every afternoon, or a stretch before bed can help when everything else feels uncertain.
• Take an intentional break. A show, a book, a craft, or time with a friend can give you a rest. It's not avoiding your feelings. It's giving yourself room to breathe.
Making room for grief
Grief often comes in waves. Instead of pushing it away, you might try telling yourself, It makes sense that I feel this. Nothing is wrong with me for hurting. Letting the feeling be there doesn't mean you're giving up hope.
Many people also find themselves blaming themselves, as if they caused this or should have done something differently. If you notice that voice, try answering it with kindness: I did not cause this. And you don't have to share your grief with everyone. One person who can simply sit with you is enough.
You don't have to carry this alone
If the waiting and grief are weighing on you, therapy can offer a calm place to set some of it down. I have specialized training in fertility and perinatal mental health, and I offer sessions by secure video to adults across California, in English or French. You're welcome to reach out whenever it feels right.
